The man with 86 wives

On 21 August, the BBC carried a story of an 84 year old man who had been sentenced to death for refusing to divorce all but four of his wives.
On 31 August, the BBC said that he had finally divorced 82 of them.
I read the story only last week and discussed it with some people. Our initial response was amusement. It is interesting to consider how conjugal rights of the more physical kind would be organised in such a household
The man also has “at least” 170 children. In order to have 170 children, you would have to be prepared to plan your nights with close attention to your wives’ cycles. I suggested, to some amusement, that he would need a special kind of software to organise how his wives would come to his bed.
After the amusement and the slightly off-colour jokes, however, the anger and disgust set in.

Polygamy is a fact of life, but not an immutable fact. It is, happily, on the wane. I suppose it might have evolved as a product of war, when as a result of men dying in large numbers, there were not enough to go round. I don’t know, and I am not really concerned about its origins in this write-up.
What I am concerned about is a strange, or perhaps not so strange, reaction from one of the people I was talking to. After the laughter had died down, he said:
But perhaps the women are happy as they are.
What he meant was that if the women were happy being one of 86 wives, who are we to tell them that they should not be?
Let’s go with that idea for a bit. I suppose, in spite of the terrible limitations that slaves suffered, that some of them enjoyed a measure of happiness. So it would have been a disservice to them to plant bad ideas like unfettered freedom in their heads, would it?
But polygamy is not slavery, some will say. It is a time-honoured tradition and we should not condemn it just because the white man tells us it is wrong.
Possibly true. But what kind of life is it to have one-eighty-sixth of a man’s love and support? How would it be to introduce yourself thus: Hello, I am the sixty-third wife/husband of Mr X?
Let’s follow the idea further. If ignorance is bliss, i.e. if we should not put bad ideas into these women’s heads because it would make them unhappy, would it not mean by the same token that since introduction to formal education of some kind to a peasant or villager would make him think that he should entitled to more out of life, in order to keep the peasant happy and satisfied with his lot, he must be kept from education at all costs?
Is that not why black slaves were not allowed to learn how to read?
It seems to me that the idea is to keep the women ignorant so that we do not have to deal with the consequences of their acquiring knowledge. It would make this uncomfortable for those of us who feel secure in the knowledge that we are better than someone else and who would like to continue wielding some kind of power over their womenfolk. If a woman has the power to choose that we have, our world would come crashing down about our ears.
Talking of choice, how many of those wives actually choose to be what they are? What informs their choice?
We know that women are often taken to wife against their will either because a parent or relative sells them to some man for convenience or financial gain or because they are too young to make an informed choice. This is where the concept of informed consent comes in. So in order to go on benefiting from marrying off our sisters and daughters, we should keep them ignorant or disempowered enough that being a seventy-fifth wife appears to them to be a desirable goal in life, right?
Is it informed consent to be condemned into a way of life that you would not choose if you knew better? Do we have a right to say that people who make choices we ourselves would not make because of our superior knowledge should be left in ignorance? Who are we to hope that people should be denied knowledge because it would make us uncomfortable?
If it is folly to be wise in such circumstances, give me folly any day. I shall, at the very least, have the luxury of choosing the rope with which I shall be hanged. I have come to the conclusion that many of the traditions that people are most eager to preserve are those that protect their selfish interests. These selfish people are the reactionaries who are quick to tell you that the white man has destroyed our way of life and replaced it with something worse. That is true in some respects – chiefly with regard to economics and consumerism. But it is not true of everything.
Polygamy is a bad thing because it is unfair to women. It reduces them to chattels. It disempowers them. It reduces their access to economic goods. It must be difficult to know that you will never have the exclusive enjoyment of your husband’s attentions but that he can keep you exclusively to himself. I have been told that women are more accepting of the prospect of sharing a man. That’s self-serving nonsense and it is a tragedy that such a pernicious theory is propounded at all.
One last point. I recognise that these now divorced 82 women will have to fend for themselves, and to the (probably very limited) extent that their husband was able to provide for them, they will be out of pocket. It is fair to suppose that quite a few of them have very limited knowledge and ability to earn a living. So they will very likely be worse off materially speaking. But this would not have happened if they had been sent to school and afforded the opportunity to choose what kind of life to lead.
There is no valid excuse for polygamy in today’s world, and we know it. Let us stop pretending to protect the interests of women in such situations when we know full well that we are only thinking about preserving the status quo either because it does not impinge on our lives or because it is to our advantage.

Comments

[Kappa]

Did the women tell you it is unfair to them?Did they say anything about being forced into it? They choose the lifestyle they want and we have no right to impose our notion of what we believe to be the "ideal" marriage scenario on them. That would be trampling on their freewill as humans.

[Ma Mary]

Kappa, what mind altering substance are you on?

These are often women who have been denied the power of agency all their lives. Choice is a meaningless word to them.

My advice to you ladies is, if all else fails, cheat, with one caveat, there so much AIDS in Africa so be careful. They must be cheating already, because the 170 kids did not emerge from the labors of one workman.

The other thing you could do is to suffocate the old goat, and save the government some pennies for the executioner's costs.

[Ma Mary]

My previous comment is meant to be tongue in cheek. It is not wise to compound tragedies with other tragedies, that would grow to encompass the children. Putting women in this situation is not so different from doing these acts so described to this man. Therefore, authorities must step in to improve the lot of women through education, jobs, business opportunity and protection from laviscious goats like this malam. The islamic verdict here is only an improvement, because it still thinks it is OK to have 4 wives. There was a chief in the Ndop plain who used to kept dozens of wives in primitive living conditions, pretty much like sex slaves to satisfy his perverted tastes. Younger people who know better should abolish these crazy practices and free their women.

[http://CamerooniansAbroad.com]

I bet those women found something with that old geezer that no other man alive ever shown them before. I mean, it is clear that the man is a ladies' man. Let the man rules. Let him go.

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[UnitedstatesofAfrica]

Ma Mary, so your answer to this polygamy problem is for the women to cheat on their husband and to suffocate the "old goat".

For once, you have taken off your mask and exposed your true self, without any inhibitions or adornment.

Doesn't it feel liberating to just to be yourself?

[UnitedstatesofAfrica]

Ma Mary, so your answer to this polygamous fiasco is for the women to cheat on their husband and suffocate "old goat"?

Well, I'm glad you have decided to take off your mask and expose your true self, without any inhibitions. Doesn't it feel good to be yourself? it's liberating right?

[Ma Mary]

Actually UnitedStatesofMinnesota, they are already cheating. If you think all your siblings by your father's 10 wives are actually biological children of your father, I want to know what you are smoking, because I want some. If you follow family tradition and become a polygamist yourself, I will not recommend suffocation for you. You will be far more deserving of orchiectomy of the only one that you have.

Enanga, I am really trying to keep it clean. I hope clinical will do, but this little misogynist keeps begging for it.

[kappa]

There is no one misogynic here Mami Mary,instead I sense that you are a feminist.Polygamy has and always will be an integral part of the African culture and heritage.No one is forced to practice it.You have your opinion about it and that is respected,but don't force others to believe what you believe.Hear you "If you follow family tradition and become a polygamist yourself, I will not recommend suffocation for you. You will be far more deserving of orchiectomy of the only one that you have." Stop acting up and don't forget where you come from!!!

[UnitedstatesofAfrica]

@ Ma MARY

So for suggesting that the suffocation of the "old goat" is not an effective strategy to deal with this problem, I am automatically a misogynist? then you go on to talk about my father's ten wives ( don't ask me how Ma Mary knows about my father) and then wish suffocation for me.

Ma Mary, you are a psychotic old woman. Anyone who reads Cameroon-oriented blogs online already knows that.

[Katie.K]

What's the guys
name that had 86 wives?
& HAD 170 children?

[Ma Mary]

I would like to add that polygamy is an insanitary practice, and like any other kind of sexual profligacy, facilitates the spread of deadly venereal disease and from one of such rancid, foetid pools emerged the fetus that now styles itself Unitedstatesofafrica and imposes insane congenital syphilitic rants on Southern Cameroonians.

[Ma Mary]

Kappa, I am willing to bet that any African woman capable of reading and having the means of responding to your posting on the web would not be coerced into becoming one of the 7 dozen or so wives of this doddering codger. The reason is that such a woman would have the power of agency, the power to exercise choice, which these benighted women do not have. They are given; they do not chose, and I guess that is how you like it and your justification is that it is African tradition, and not because it is just. For shame, what a waste of good schooling!

I could tell that you think a feminist is a scourge. Actually feminism is a necessity because of the oppression that has been the woman's lot for centuries in Africa, in the hands and minds of people who think like you.

[kappa]

So Mami Mary, you think it is coz of polygamy that we have venereal diseases? Check yo self lady!!! And what do you mean by "good schooling"? You are indirectly classifying African women as subhumans who cannot think on their own because they did not go to "western schools". Shame on you.

[Ma Mary]

No, kappa. I will not let you get away with that. Oppressed people are cut off from information and the ability to be free agents in the execution of their own destiny. It is the likes of you who believe that women can be given in marriage against their will. What do you mean by "western schools"? Reading and writing and the training and freedom to exercise critical thought are sine qua non for availing oneself of the opportunities of our time. Ask any village woman whether or nor she likes a cell phone? Show me one who does not want one! We are not living in a vacuum, and societies grow by being porous to salutary influences and not by being closed. Hence, the Greeks borrowed from the Khmets (Egypt), as did the Yoruba. The Romans borrowed from the Greeks. The Arabs borrowed from the Greeks. The Europeans borrowed from the Greeks through the Arabs and so on. It is OK to borrow good ideas. Literacy is a damn GOOD idea. It is good for your village women as well, and they are apt to being bamboozled and sexually exploited by the likes of you.

Yes, polygamy encourages the spread of venereal disease. Absolutely. Do the math. Read up about the epidemiology of syphilis, gonorrhea, AIDS, herpes, hepatitis and other bugs that have an affinity for your nether regions or you do not believe it because it is "Western" information. There are many crimes that the west has committed, but have a clue and put things into perspective. Do not throw away the baby with the bath water.

[Kappa]

hahahahahaha...Ma Mary,u make me laugh. All the diseases you just mentioned came from the west.I assure you that if Africans stuck to their ways of high morals and dignity we won't be in the hot water we're in right now.Yeah, people had many wives but they were faithful to them!!!

[UnitedstatesofAfrica]

Ma Mary

is that your best defense? polygamy encourages the spread of venereal disease?
what about personal choice? what about a woman's right to choose?

"spread of deadly venereal disease and from one of such rancid, foetid pools emerged the fetus that now styles itself Unitedstatesofafrica and imposes insane congenital syphilitic rants on Southern Cameroonians"
- Ma Mary

so people who oppose your political views are birthed as a result of venereal diseases caused in polygamous marriages huh? hahaha. I see your heart is diluting your mind into a watery substance which is seeping away...into a sewage tank. You have made it clear that your emotions are guiding you on this issue...not the facts. Not uncommon for fake feminist.

African pseudo-intellectuals who read a few quotes from Karl Marx and think they have the answer to life's problems. Dust your school desk and sit down. You still have a lot of learning to do.